The year is coming to an end and looking back I have to admit that 2015 wasn’t my year. Not at all. Not a tiny bit. It started crappy with me being sick, it continued with me being sick, it went on with me being sick… one illness after another… my body came up with different kind of issues, some small, some intense, full recovery seemed difficult. Midyear I was physically, mentally and emotionally out of balance.
My feelings went from pitying myself over full range frustration to a feeling of helplessness. I was tired, blocked, shaken and very sad – about this year and all the moments I spent at doctors’ offices for examinations, exhausted on my couch or at the hospital. I was so despaired about my body acting up in various ways. I so missed being fit, healthy, energized. I missed feeling alive – that spark within, my creativity, optimism, lightness. I was running on autopilot, stuck, knotted-up, spirit-fatigued. Imbalanced.
My soul fire, internal flame, source of liveliness was burning low level, dimmed to faintness, diminished.
In all those months and countless moments of struggle I chose to open up to the learning coming along the pain aware that there were lessons to be learned. Lessons that seemed kind of familiar after a close look, already kind of experienced, showing itself in a new way.
Life lessons want to be learned completely. They show up repeatedly during our life, challenging us over and over in different ways until we master them fully, develop a new level of understanding, transform and integrate them as heart wisdom.
During my quiet times being sick at home,in sleepless nights or stuck in bed at the hospital I went into discovery mode. I searched, explored, uncovered and… learned.
“being in control” , “safety” , “acceptance”, “authenticity” , “being real” , “living fully” , “soul inspired living” , “optimism” , ” liveliness” , “high level self care” wanted to be seen and worked with.
I was asked to ponder and doing inner work, tiring at some points since all the established bad habits, negative thought patterns and dusty ugly gremlins of stuckness are not fun to look at.
But I did the work. Physically, mentally and on soul level.
Released, cleaned out, detoxified, … I turned everything upside down.
It felt a little bit chaotic at times, but more and more uplifting, strengthening, transforming…
I started to accept the process necessary to move forward. I started to make peace with what was. I began to love the path welcoming my learning of this year.
There are times in our lives we are asked to take inventory of where we stand… how we are (really!) doing… how authentic we live our life… how truly alive we are or how set up for running on autopilot… on what high or low level we maintain self care or if we even do at all… how strongly our soul fire burns or is it already damped down…
How I am today you want to know?
In the process I redefined my truest desires and set up new, soulful goals. I created empowering healthy structures in my daily life with practical, step by step actions.
And I feel GREAT filled with sparkling energy, pure excitement living every day with motivation, focus and gratitude:
- I still actively work on my life lesson topics by reflecting, journaling, pondering.
- I started running again and doing Yoga three times a week, clearing my mind, processing daily life (feels pretty awesome!)
- I nurture my soul fire reading inspirational books. Going for walks with my dogs. Spending time in nature. Having fun family time and grown up-quality time with my hubby.
- I relax by burying myself in addicting fiction books, getting carried away by romantic chick flicks or science fiction movies, and by meeting with soulful people.
- I maintain physical well-being by having developed healthy eating habits, getting good, long night’s sleeps, and scheduling Me-time into the days in order to re-energize.
- I love love love working in my two passion jobs: 1) at my soul business: coaching women helping them master life transitions and start living soul-inspired, empowered lives.
- 2) at Youth Welfare: supporting young adults refugees building a new life in Germany.
- I stay aware of and keep exploring what needs to be changed further down the road.
Yes, I really am able to get to do all of that every week, though I have a husband, two children, two dogs and a crowd of guinea pigs who all need attention. I am healthy again, balanced. And I am so excited about it. 2015 taught me a LOT. Mostly how important and essential it was to reconnect with myself, my soul fire and take inventory about what needed to change, and then walking the path, doing the inner work.
I invite you today to ask yourself where you are at in your current life situation.
Dare to check in with your level of liveliness. With your soul fire and its appearance.
How are things in your life? How are you?
Be honest with yourself, that’s the first step.
Then connect with how you really want to feel. What’s your soul desire?
Don’t accept stuckness, numbness, exhaustion, frustration as a constant feeling. Don’t keep running on autopilot.
There is more!
Be brave enough to learn the lessons. Move forward. Into soul-inspired, authentic, healthy living.